Leaving Africa was difficult for so many reasons. I have so many memories – so many defining moments that I am not sure quite where to begin. I guess the beginning would be a good place to start?
Why I did this crazy thing?
Curiosity - When I visited for a holiday – I didn’t see one person with a learning disability. Not in the towns – or the restaurants – or the shopping Malls. In the UK – these people have a presence. Not here though – at least not in any of the places I visited! I couldn’t help but be curious as to where on earth these folk were.
And so?
I have discovered a facet of Africa that I didn’t see & would never have looked for had I - or indeed - when I visited for a holiday. Some of what I have seen has been traumatic – it upset me – but I will never be sorry that I took a look. Some of the projects I contributed to were not directly related to people with Learning Disabilities either. Although the commonality was that they are all marginalized groups. What inspired me most of all though has been the true guts – the raw honesty & the generosity of the people I have met. And I have mixed with folk from all walks of life – all backgrounds - cultures. I heard their stories – kept an open mind & learned such a lot. And adults with Learning Disabilities – well I never did get to see where they hang out. I posed the question many times to various people? Of course they are there – statistically I would imagine the incidence is similar or higher than the UK. Some are in institutional services – but these cost money – which is beyond the means of many. I am informed that a lot of learning disabled adults live in their family home. Often not venturing beyond the garden (if a garden exists) & likely – rarely seeing the light of day. Perhaps a follow-up expedition is required!
The magical pull of Africa – I really did fall in love with Africa. The mystery of the country – the vastness & the sunsets – all served to make it a place I wanted to explore again – but to explore in a different way. This way.
And so?
There is just something magical about Africa. I knew it back in October last year & having this time –seeing Africa through different eyes has served to affirm the pull. I love it & exploring it twists & turns with an open professional eye – though heart wrenching at times – hasn’t dampened my enthusiasm. Ok – I have been party to some sights & stories that are unjust in the extreme. And while this trip was never intended to be about me “fixing” the things that I knew to be wrong – accepting that these bad things happen & walking away ready for the next day – was difficult. I don’t condone these things & at times I became a little irate – but you know – I still love Africa. And as my dear friend Jill used to tell me – “Kate – you can only do what you can do”. It was good advice way back in the good old days of Whitnash Lodge & it is good advice now. Thanks Jill.
Diversity – Professionally in these times – particularly in “Human Services” – we have to be more & more aware of & sensitive to cultural diversity. What better way to understand the true meaning of diversity – than to spend a month working in Africa.
And so?
Boy is this country rich in cultural diversity. So many cultures – tribes – ethnic groups exist in this country. Such a vast range of socio-economic groups too. The destitute – the poor - the less poor & the wealthy – they all live in Africa. There is also a big migrant population in the province which has brought with it problems & conflict not dissimilar to what we have experienced in the UK. But we all know that tragedy & disability do not discriminate in relation to colour or wealth. If cultural diversity was a tapestry – this place would be the most intricate carpet – rich with golden threads – woven tightly - the pattern so complex that even the most skilled weaver would struggle to recreate it. As for unravelling it to really inspect the threads that make it up – to understand them – to appreciate each one for what it is – only God knows if that would be possible. As for my own professional practice in the UK after experiencing the diverseness of this place – it can only improve.
Peace – This past 18 months have been probably the saddest & most traumatic I have ever known. Those who know me – will know why. Life really doesn’t wait for anyone – but the opportunity to “get off” a while was an enormous pull for me. I didn’t just want this time – I needed it.
And so?
I found an inner peace in Africa that has long escaped me. Even on a practical level & while some of the things I saw were difficult to see – I wasn’t “spinning plates” as I normally do. It’s a woman thing eh – kids – work – home etc. (Everyone wanting a bit of me). At times – my ability to switch off from the events of the day that went before – was very difficult. But I managed to. Sometimes when I was feeling mellow – I questioned how this could be – particularly given some of the distressing situations I had been party to. I guess bar a few days in week three when I had seen the worst of the sights – I managed to embrace the peaceful feeling. I guess doing the job I do for more years than I care to recall - has given me a valuable” shut down” skill. I had no television to steal my head space – no commitments that I didn’t want & the sound of the sea was always there. What better recipe for total chill out. Even with the doors closed & in the depths of the night – the whooshing soothed me.
Give a little back – I know it sound kitsch – but having brought up 2 children – worked like a Trojan since I was 18 – I began to understand & be quite envious of young folk who take a “year out” to do something noble. Doing something like this when I was 20 was simply beyond my means. This has been my “gap year” squashed into 4 weeks.
And so?
While I have always been quite committed & passionate about what I do – I have never thought of myself as a pioneer type? I still don’t. But you know – there really is a skills shortage in Africa of people who know about the Learning Disability speciality. Learning Disabled folk are not a priority. The work I have done here – has been grass roots stuff. Nothing too technical & certainly nothing overly complicated. I believe that I have given something though – particularly at Whizz Kidz & during the seminar I presented. At times I was treated like some “big wig” – which made me very uncomfortable. Always though - what I contributed was appreciated & valued. I may not have changed the world – but I have touched a few special people. I have also made friends – these embryonic friendships will be nurtured - despite the cultural & geographical distance. I didn’t have to travel south of the equator to feel appreciated professionally - the families & team I work with – do that anyway. But I am proud of myself – really proud of myself. And the clinical work aside – this woman drove the guts of 2,000 kilometres in Africa. Bloody Nora – who would have thought it!
Reflection – There is a place in Glastonbury called the “Chalice Well Gardens”. In each serene section of garden – there is a sign – “This is a place for quiet reflection”. I kind of “got it” way back then in that place. Many times over the years I sat in those gardens (often dressed like a total mad hippy) & “quietly reflected”. I knew in my heart though that the term “reflect” would take on a life of its own in Africa. (The sound of the sea – the reflection of the moon off the water – the early mornings - late evenings - my guitar - my thoughts & few responsibilities). Priceless - simply priceless.
And so?
Sometimes there are more questions than answers. If this past 18 months has taught me anything – it is that stuff happens & there is nothing any of us can do to stop it. Some things are destined – written somewhere – inevitable. Life passes us by in the blink of an eye. I think of my beautiful children & can hardly believe that Ben is a man now & Max is taking the tentative awkward steps from boyhood to manhood. It feels more like a year ago that a decade or two - that I watched them sleep as babies – winded them – fretted as they took their first steps – rejoiced when they said their first words - took their photos on their first day at school.
Minutes always turn into hours – hours to days – days to months – months to years. The world turns – our lives take this path & that & we must ride the waves with as much skill & dignity as we can. The choices we make relate to the detail – the big stuff just happens. But the detail is important. All we can do is to skill ourselves up as best we can & be true to ourselves. Despite the inevitable obstacles which may block our path – the dilemmas we will encounter – the bits of crap that life throws at us that hit us square in the eye – perhaps all we can do is to try to be as decent a human being as we can - despite the bad stuff.
Things I saw before Breakfast
Dolphins – loads of them playing – jumping & making their way somewhere only they knew. I saw this spectacle 3 or 4 times while I was supping tea in my night wear on the balcony!
A Crocodile trying to eat a bird on the banks of the river beside the hut I stayed in – in the bush. Wart hogs & baby Impala running around outside my hut.
The most spectacular sunrises imaginable.
Giraffes having a drink from the water hole.
The Highs?
Little Cameron – trying to & eventually succeeding at saying my name.
Tizzy initiating physical contact – priceless!
The enthusiasm of Sarah at Whizz Kidz.
Being presented with the gift form Whizz Kidz. (The lump in my throat was enormous)
Eating the most spectacular Oysters – for the 1st time – they tasted of the sea & tabasco sauce of course? I am a convert!
Driving around – finding my way from A to B & feeling ballsy. Liberating?
Pottering around at my own pace with no particular place to be - feeling mellow & having nowhere to rush to. Unique?
Driving down the hill from Umlanga to Umdloti & saying, “Agghh” every time the view of the bay appeared.
Turning the corner on the way from parking level 2 to level 1 - the view of the coast even framed by the concrete of the stairwell – made me smile to myself.
The generosity of the people I met who made such an effort for me – despite being a relative stranger to them.
Driving north for 3 hours through tribal Africa on route to Safari & soaking up the changing terrain – the sights – sound & smells.
My first beer at the Warthog bar on Safari. God – I needed that beer.
The sugar cane blowing in the wind like an enormous Mexican wave.
Making new friends.
The time & space to just be Kate.
Getting seriously into blogging! I feel a side line as a blogger coming on!
AND FINALLY
I want to say an enormous thanks you to all who have taken an interest in my madness & kept up to date with my blog. And in particular – I want to say a big heartfelt thank you to those who took the time to leave a comment or two. Words can not describe just how excited I was each day as I logged on & how impatient I became when the site took a while to load. I so wanted to see what you all had written. Reading the comments felt like a big cosmic pat on the back – a whisper of “go on girl” in my ear. Your comments enthused me – helped sustain my momentum when I was feeling low – gave me encouragement & made me smile.
And thanks to:
The inner sanctum of girls – my good friends – Beverly – Caroline – Elaine – Debs & Carla - for understanding just how important this trip was to me.
Joy & the guys at work for saying “Go for it” – despite the inevitable increase in their workload – my absence would have brought. I will make it up to you – honest.
David for holding the fort – keeping the ironing basket low - accepting my decision to do this & for being patient.
Max for doing without his mum for a month – though I am sure with his obsessive interest in fishing – he was far too busy to miss me. I hope you caught some massive Carp?
My big son Ben who even though he thought I was nuts – gave me support. Well done son & thanks for calling to tell me about your great exam results? I like the way you don’t compromise your party lifestyle – yet still make the grades. Just like your mother! The party bit anyway!
My mum Sally who despite her concerns that I was going to befall some horrible tragedy – gave me her support & most precious of all she said the words I so needed to hear – “I am so proud of you love”. Thanks mum – that meant the world to me.
My late brother Paul - for coming to me so clearly in my dream. It was lovely to see you once more. I will always miss you. And as he would say - God Damn it!
And finally to my late father Cecil - whose small inheritance turned the notion of a trip such as this – into a reality. I have no doubt that he would have raised an eyebrow in the way only he could! He would have undoubtedly had something to say that may not have been “music to my ears” – but all the same – I wish he was around to give his opinion – whatever it may have been.
Kate xx